I wish I were strong...

When I turn the pages,
And flip through the notes.
My Diary makes me cry,
On the 'then made' quotes.

I know then I had, options galore,
And conviction enough to hold firm.
I was always waiting for something,
To get through, to happen, to reconfirm.

All I did was to procrastinate,
And hang the issues half undone.
I should have had courage to continue,
And not to start another one.

The times of joy I had, compulse me,
To walk back the memory lane and weep.
Think back of different things we shared,
Light frolic and conversations deep.

I just needed to make a move,step on my own track,
To part from and say a NO to all my hates.
I should have been strong, to stand firm,or leave,
When I was stuck in helpless debates.

The College, The friends, The Coffee the fun,
The conversations with mixed emotions done.
When love and friendship were one same thing,
And we wished a lifelong College life run.

I, like everyone, had some thoughts held back,
With a fear of losing a friend for the cause.
And now I feel the time has failed me,
And I will live through, a lifelong pause.

I should have been strong, to confess some lies,
To face some truths, and reveal some hides.
I should have been strong, to take decisions,
To step against anything odd, someone else decides.

There are some moments in your life you feel,
You've learnt more in an hour than in years.
But then you also see, that hour was costly,
And possibly became, a reason for thousand tears.

When grandeur of life, is too big to hold,
And we admire the moments with open eyed dreams.
When in scheme of things, you try to find your place,
And there's no place for you, at that point, it seems.

I should have been strong, and stood my ground,
When all were nagging, pulling me down.
I should have been strong, to reflect a smile,
For evey unfriendly, withering frown.

Now I see, the Winters of life,Hail too soon,
While downpour is what I expect to arrive.
And the mystery of life, gets even more intense,
When I see no fruit bourne by any single strive.

Sitting alone, I contemplate, the present and the past,
The echoes of the universe, show me oceans vast.
But with ship I have, half wreck, and team gone,
I wonder in this battle, how long shall I last...!

I should be strong, have faith in myself,
I can control, the outcome of my strife.
I should be strong, and support my instinct,
And shout out my heart, reach out for life.

- Sujeet

My Apologies to all I know

I know I could have been much better,
I know I could have given, more time and space,
I know I should have shared my life,
I now feel in my life, that vacant space.

I had been busy for the sake of it,
I never knew what to prioritise.
I have been lying to myself all along,
My life's plan, I could never devise.

I have my apologies to all my friends,
& family who always stood by my side.
I never was there, at the time of their need,
The true essence of life, I could never abide.

I never was strong, I faked at all time,
And raised expectations, broke them all.
It is now that I see, I'm going down,
The depth of my dug, ditch I fall.

Who do you expect shall excuse my err,
As I find my conscience won't excuse.
I see the repurcussions of all my deeds,
That make me disdained, and ever more confused.

It's my heart on paper, Not just a prose,
It's me challenging my Conscience sublime.
What we make, becomes of life,
I've started questioning myself this time.....